You Resist Boundaries

 

    Sometimes other people are not the problem.  Sometimes you struggle with boundaries.  You may struggle with setting, upholding, or honoring other people's boundaries.  Maybe you have a hard time saying "no".  When you are struggling with personal sin, boundaries can make it clear, but that does not mean that it is easy to uphold.

    You are human.  You have needs.  God created you for a purpose you just have to turn to Him and He will fulfill all your needs.  He will put the right people into your life to help you meet your needs.  He will give you the strength for everything else.  Trust in His timing so that you do not fight the boundaries He has laid out for you.  

    Let go of the bad that has happened in your life.  Mourn what did not happen that you had decided you needed.  Grow from your disappointments as you let them go.  Do not give up on your boundaries just because you do not see results immediately.  Life may postpone certain things, but the truth will always be revealed.  Do not become stuck.  Move on in living your life.  You may trail the path of grief for a time, but it will lead to maturity.

    Do not allow anger to be the excuse that you disregard boundaries.  Fear that gets stuck in your head turns into anger.  This fear will drive you to act rashly if you allow it.  Hurt people hurt others.  You need to bring your fear to God.  Expose it so it loses it's power over you.  Allow God to heal your heart.  

    Fearing the unknown can keep you from setting and enforcing boundaries.  It makes you a prisoner to the what ifs.  Your mind thinks that life may be bad, but you know it and are familiar.  If you change anything it could get worse.  The truth is that it probably will get worse before it gets better, but staying where you are is not good for you or anyone else.  Allow God to show you how things could be different and better.  Stay rooting in who God is and how much He loves you as you adventure out into this new world.  

    Unforgiveness will stop boundaries like a brick wall.  Everyone has flaws.  Remember that before you hold things against other people.  Remember all the stupid things you have done and the people you have hurt.  Remember what it meant to you when you forgave them.  Remember that when people do unforgivable things that forgiving them will free you from their control.  Allow God to bring forth resolution and punishment if it is needed.  If the person repents, then great.  It means you can work toward reconciliation.  If not, then you can move on with your life and leave them in the past where they belong.

    Do not allow fear of abandonment to break your boundaries.  If you feel insecure, then that means that Satan has a foothold in your mind.  If a relationship comes from God, then you do not need to worry about them abandoning you.  If the relationship is not from God, then nothing you do will be able to keep that person.  If you place anyone before God, then God will remove that person from your life.  Living in fear is not living.

    Boundaries may not work if you look externally instead of internally about your problems.  Looking externally makes you the victim and everyone else is the problem.  You think everyone else needs to change, but you.  You need to stop blaming and take a real look at yourself.  Be honest with where you messed up and need to change.  All relationships take more than one person.  It is not all on them.  

    Guilt hinders boundaries.  It is where you get stuck in your own head replaying everything you did wrong.  You messed up.  Accept it, change, and move on.  Do not get stuck focusing only on your negative characteristics.  If you learned from your mistake, then you can move on freely.  Forgive yourself even if the other person never does.  No one gets to keep you a prisoner in your own mind.

    Boundaries are not easy.  That does not change the fact that you need them.  Life is full of trouble, doubts, fears, insecurities, and sin.  Following Jesus doesn't change that, but it does change your eternal outcome, perspective in the journey, and freedom from what holds you back.  Jesus has gone before you and prepared the way. It is not as difficult as it would have been without him.  He is with you throughout it all.  Hold onto your faith, seek God, and set boundaries.

Psalm 68:1-6, Ecclesiastes 7:1-4, Matthew 10:28-31, 26:1-5, John 16:31-33, Romans 7:14-17, 2 Corinthians 5:6-10, 7:8-10, Ephesians 2:8-10, 3:14-19, Philippians 3:7-11, Colossians 2:13-15, & Hebrews 11:8-10

Resisting Boundaries

 

    There will always be people that will not listen or respect boundaries.  Some people may not believe that your boundaries apply to them.  Some people may not understand what your boundaries are.  No matter the reason, you will have to deal with people that resist your boundaries.

    Boundaries bring value to your life.  They give you freedom, but they do require work, maintenance, self-discipline, and desire for peace.  Peace is the motivation behind boundaries.  Boundaries are a form of obedience to God, but it also has to be personal.  You have to see that they are good for you. God has defined who you are and set boundaries in your life to bless you.  You may resist those boundaries which will create an internal battle.

    You will have people resistant to your boundaries, but sometimes you are resistant to setting and maintaining them too.  They create a better life, but you have to make personal changes.  Change can be hard.  In the beginning you will deal with disputes, small battles, losses, and discomfort.  Your salvation gives you security with God, but also change in your personal life.  It sanctifies you, but then you have to change to stay sanctified.  You have to embrace change to have healing and allow the world to see Him in you.

     Outside resistance comes from the relationships that you are trying to establish boundaries with.  Do not allow insecurities, anger, or fear to keep you from setting boundaries in your life that will bring healing.  When people push back you stand firm.  it is common for the person(s) to get angry.  Let them, but do not back down.  It reveals weaknesses in their character.  Your boundaries will force them to learn self-control or to loose you.    

    Boundaries protect you from certain evils of the world.  In return some people will resist your boundaries by using guilt.  Guilt is a very controlling weapon.  People use it to try to force your hand into you backing down so they don't have to.  It reveals their selfish nature and keeps them from having to take responsibility for their own lives.  You can be empathetic, but do not bend on your boundaries.

    Some people will treat boundaries like a game of chess. They use countermoves to get what they want.  Be prepared for these power moves.  Turn to God and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you.  Some people may physically resist your boundaries.  Flee from anyone who would use physical abuse to solve their problems.  If you can't flee on your own, then seek people who will help.  

    Sometimes your boundaries will hurt other people you love.  It is hard to uphold boundaries here, but remember why you placed your boundaries in the first place.  On the other hand there are the blamers who turns everything around and places everything on you.  These people may cry, pout, or get angry.  You need to confront them to make them take responsibility for their own actions.  

    Sometimes you need to set boundaries on people with real needs.  If you don't take care of yourself, then you can't help other people.  It may break your heart, but you are good to no one if you burn yourself out by giving too much of yourself to people.  Have empathy, but teach people how to help themselves.  Give other people the chance to step up and help them too.

    The point of boundaries is to allow your heart to forgive those who have hurt you and hopefully find reconciliation.  You can find healing in forgiving anyone.  However it takes two to reconcile.  Jesus is your model and the Holy Spirit will guide you through this journey.  You and the other persona each have to take personal responsibility for your parts, be willing to change, and become trustworthy.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21, Psalm 16:5-6, Proverbs 25:28, 27:4-6, Jonah 4:9-11, Matthew 10:34-36, 22:37-40, Romans 8:26-30, Ephesians 4:7-8, Philippians 2:12-13, Hebrews 12:1-4

God and Boundaries

 

    The Bible is a book about love.  It is full of lessons that teaches you how to love like God.  It has rules, principles, and moral guidelines, but it is given out of love.  If you need a loving relationship the Bible is where you begin.  God is pursuing you in a way no person ever could.  His love is true and stable.  He loves you even when you act unlovable.  He never gives up on you.  In the process He teaches you how to love.  Boundaries are a way of showing love.

    To have healthy boundaries you need to learn how to love other people the way God loves them.  It is not easy.  Some people will make it very difficult.  However forming boundaries with difficult people will help you love them like He loves them.  It is a labor of love.  

    It all starts with respecting God's boundaries.  God already respects yours.  He does not force Himself into your life.  He will always work through and around your life, but He never forces you to have a relationship with Him.  He will allow you to make your own choices and decisions in life, but that also means you will deal with the consequences.  

    In time you will learn that it is self-destructive to ignore, avoid, or hide from God.  Your soul is always searching for Him.  Your void in your soul will never be satisfied by anything except God.  You have to be bold enough to be honest with yourself.  You can be angry with God.  He is strong enough to take it.  Be angry, but do not turn away from Him.  Be honest with Him about all your thoughts and feelings.  Bring the truth into the light to find freedom.  His love will transform you and heal all your inner brokenness.

    Respect God's boundaries even when you do not understand.  You can't manipulate or sweet talk God into doing what you want Him to do.  You have to accept or reject it.  It is in your best interest to accept and seek understanding if you need it.  God does not need people.  He chose you.  It is your choice to accept His boundaries or not.  The more embrace His love on His terms the deeper your relationship with God will be.

    If you want people to respect your boundaries, then you need to learn how to respect God's boundaries.  In return you will respect other people's boundaries set for you.  You can respect boundaries even if you disagree.  If you respect God's boundaries, then He will look at things from your perspective.  

    God provided boundaries to be acknowledged and respected.  Do not pull away your love when He says no.  Instead try to understand.  He has a bigger perspective of your life and all life than you do.  There is a reason why.  Even if you do not understand, respect His decisions.  He is not turning His back on you.  He is not removing His love.  He is redirecting perspectives and motivations.  

    Relationships can be difficult.  The relationship with God is the easiest relationship you can have.  He will remove people and add people into your life to bring you closer to Him.  He is protecting you.  He is protective of what is His, so He will lovingly take care of you.  It may feel painful for a time, but it is the best thing for you.  He takes responsibility and will heal the heart that others have broken.  

    This boundary of  loves is what the Gospel is all about.  It is all about you finding reconciliation with God.  When you do you find healing, pure love, protection, and more.  All you have to do is put Him first.  You will find boundaries in any relationship that God has created so that you can have pure love that brings living joy into your life.  

    Boundaries help you to be the best person you can be.  The closer you get to God the more you will be a living replica of His love.  It opens your eye to see who God really is.  It makes navigating life easier.  You become a partner with God, not just someone working for Him.  It gives you the strength to live life differently than the world.

Job 13:1-6, Psalm 51:1-6, Ezekiel 18:23-24, Matthew 19:16-22, 22:37-40, 25:13-30, Luke 15:11-32, John 4:21-24, Romans 5:6-11, Colossians 1:15-22, Hebrews 12:10-11, & 2 Peter 3:8-12

Boundaries with Yourself

 

    To be able to set good boundaries in your life you need to be able to look at yourself, your choices, and thought process.  You have to take personal responsibility over how your life has turned out so far.  Decide what you need change to make it look like the life you want.  It all starts with the internal conflict and setting boundaries for yourself.

    Take a humble look at yourself.  Are you able to admit when you were wrong?  Are you strong enough to make internal changes to get the life you want?  Can you set boundaries for your own actions and attitude?  You need personalized boundaries on your diet, money, time, activities, words, substances, sexuality, and more.

    One word you need to learn how to use often is "no".  No can be a complete sentence for other people, but it is necessary for you to have boundaries for yourself.  If your life feels like it is out of control, then the next time someone needs something from you say no.  Simplify your life until you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You can't solve a problem until you are able to identify it, so give yourself what you need to identify your problems.

    You are your own worst enemy.  You need to learn how to love yourself the way God loves you.  Placing limits on yourself is a way to draw closer to God.  This takes being intentional and proactive.  If you know something will not be good for you, then say no.  Do not allow outside forces to push you into something that will not benefit anyone in the long run.  Instead surround yourself with people that will love you the way God loves you and give you wise counsel.

    Will power is not boundaries.  Will power will only get you so far.  Setting boundaries and learning self-discipline will push your further than will power.  Maturing in boundaries is not easy.  The only reason to persevere is to desire God's will over your life and establish healthy relationships.  

    You identify where you have boundary problems through identifying what causes your depression, anxiety, panic, phobias, anger, relationship issues, work problems, phycological issues, OCD, and other isolating issues.  Find the roots and start digging them out.  Burn them so they can never take root in your mind or heart again.  You have to understand where you contribute toward your issues to understand how they become sin to be able to destroy them completely.

    You need to be able to trust God, feel safe, rely on His grace, and allow the Holy Spirit to fuel you to really understand to make boundaries work in your personal life.  Identify the problem,  You have real needs, you fail, you accept feedback, deal with consequences, and become restored to make stronger boundaries.  

    You may have been a victim, but that does not mean you get to stay a victim.  Hurt people hurt other people.  If you stay the victim, then that means you are only hurting the people around you.  You make them the villain or responsible for you.  Neither are healthy.  Take ownership on how to heal and set firm boundaries to have control over your heart and mind.  Boundaries will help you heal.  You may just need a little professional help to get you to a certain point of healing and able to see things more clearly.  

Genesis 3:1-10, Proverbs 10:17-19, 17:27-28, 21:5-8, Matthew 12:33-37, Luke 11:24-26, John 15:1-8, Romans 7:14-20, 1 Corinthians 3:16-17, Ephesians 5:6-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, James 5:16-18, & 1 John 4:18-19

Work Boundaries

 

    When you do not have boundaries wat work you will have problems.  Boundaries are stating what you need and what will happen if people do not respect what you need.  You need to be clear and concise without being threatening.  

    Lets say you are forced to work with someone that you don't like or will not pull their wright.  How do you set boundaries to rectify the problem?  Start with prayerfully looking at them the way God sees them.  Actively look for a common point to make working together easier.  Then vocalize how you need them to do their part.  If they do not, then let them know that you will be forced to tell management the truth when asked about participation.

    Helping each other is Christian, but being a door mat for everyone to whip their feet on is not.  You can live sacrificially without being bullied, used, or abused.  You are responsible for taking care of your worth as a beloved creation of God.  That means you have to set limits on how much access people have to you or from you.  

    You need to set boundaries on overtime.  What good are you if you burn out.  Your employers don't care that much about loyalty.  They will replace you in a heart beat, so take care of yourself.  If you are overloaded, then let them know you need help.  Do not be a victim when you can vocalize what you need from your employer.  They have let you know what they need from you, so do the same with them.  

    Place boundaries on your priorities.  This will limit you from over extending yourself and your work will be at a higher standard.  If you do not prioritize, then you will multitask.  Multitasking may be seen as a good thing, but it actually drains you and kills your peace of mind.  You are scattered and your work will suffer because you lack the ability to finish completely, thoroughly, or mixing up projects.

    You will always have people that you would rather not work with.  It is a part of life, but God put them in your life for a reason.  Difficult co-workers will reveal areas that you need to work on spiritually.  At the same time, you need to set boundaries for yourself that apply to them and for them.  Focus on your response to them, not giving them your focus.  Work with the Holy Spirit where they do not affect you or your work.  You are responsible for your reactions.

    You need boundaries at work for your attitude.  You do not want to be critical, so set boundaries that will give your mind peace.  For an example do not allow others at work compare you to anyone else.  It will only lead to bitterness or arrogance.  Each person has their own merit and value.  Focus on yours and no one else standards.  

    Sometimes your problems at work is your leadership.  That is a difficult place to be.  When you feel unseen, unheard, or disrespected it is hard to be positive and work hard.  It will produce strong feelings if you allow your focus stay on your hurt feelings.  Confront them if you are able to, but if it is not a situation where you can call it out, then pray.  God will fix it or lead you in how to change things.  

    Work is where you go to make a money to survive.  Work is not meant to be your life.  Set boundaries on how much you are willing to give of yourself to a place that will replace you in less than a week if you were to disappear.  Find a work life balance.  You will never find peace if your work becomes your whole life.  Even if you have friends at work, then will not risk their livelihood to be there for you.  

    Another boundary is leaving work at work.  Do not allow your mind to think about work when you are at home.  Do not allow work to invade your personal space.  This one is hard because when you have a high stress job it is hard to leave it at work and you may have leadership pressuring you to work off the clock too.  This will destroy your emotional and sometimes physical health.  

    Sometimes you find that God put you in a job that you dislike.  How do you handle that with boundaries?  Pray over it.  God may change your perspective or things at work.  Maybe He is pushing you to discover what you really want and need from work.  Be realistic and set boundaries based on who you are and your self-worth.  Learn what you can and carry it forward in life.

    To find joy in work requires taking risk.  You need to know who you are, your skills, your abilities, and what brings you joy in life.  Take what you know and ask God to reveal the rest.  Take ownership over your feelings, emotions, and moods.  Work on controlling your thoughts and words.  Then step out in the direction that God leads you.  Walking in faith will allow you to see His glory in every aspect of your work and personal life.  

Exodus 18:13-27, Proverbs 9:7-9, Micah 6:6-8, Matthew 10:11-15, Luke 13:6-9, & Galatians 1:10

Purpose for Work Boundaries

 

    God always intended His people to work, but the amount of labor was different before the fall.  Work was t ogive people purpose and see value in life.  After sin entered the world it become a burden to find the balance between hard work and enjoying life.  

    God's design for work was for people to rule over the world together taking care of His creation.  People somehow have turned work into a god where it rules lives and controls every aspect of people's lives.  If you do not keep your focus on God and who He is, then it is easy to allow work to push you further away from Him instead of it being a place He put you to serve Him.

    Boundaries can help you keep God in the center of your life.  It will also help prevent and deal with current issues at work, so you can have a happier balanced life.  No work is secular.  God put you where you are for His purpose.  It is not always clear, but it is also going to benefit you some how.  You have gifts and talents.  Find a way to use them at work to make any situation better.

    To have healthy work boundaries, you need a God based work ethic.  It removes the "it just business" mentality into acts of love mentality.  Work is the primary place to develop your character as an adult.  It can help you grow spiritually.  It is an environment where you have very little control on who you are around all day, but you have to make it work.  Setting boundaries for yourself, co-workers, and leaders will help you navigate that environment.

Genesis 1:27-28, 3:17-19, Romans 4:13-15, 5:20-21, 7:4-6, & Colossians 3:22-25

Boundaries for Children

 

    Family is the most important thing you can have in life.  If you are blessed with children, then you also hold a great responsibility.  Children need boundaries.  In every stage of their childhood they will challenge the boundaries in different ways, but they need to understand the word no.  Boundaries prepare them for the real world and there is no better gift than that.

    Boundaries help shape a child's values, school socialization, friend selection, who they will marry, and even their career.  God wanted us all to have family and children are a part of that.  Not everyone will have children and that is okay.  There is nothing wrong with you not having children, but they were part of God's original design for the family.  You see how He set boundaries with His people when you look at the Israelite nation.  They were rebellious and God handled the situation every time.  He did not allow bad behavior (aka heart conditions) to rule His people.

     The job of being a parent should bring you joy.  You can learn how to be a good parent even if you never had an example in God's Word.  A good parent helps their children grow up and mature to become responsible adults.  Boundaries teach your children on how to form strong attachments, bonds, and an understanding of who they are.  Boundaries teach children how to respect people.  The younger the child is when they get boundaries, the easier it is for them to be healthy and responsible adults that hold personal boundaries.

    Raising children is not easy.  There is no set way on how to do it because they are individual human beings like yourself.  That is why it is wise to take guidance from responsible adults in your life like grandparents, women in your church, or other people that bring strength into your life.  

    Boundaries teach responsibility, how to set limits, how to delay gratification, and makes growing up a smoother process for the whole family.  However, boundaries have to be age appropriate.  A toddler may need a time out or a spanking.  A teenage may need to have their phone taken away.  Boundaries should teach children consequences for their bad behavior.

    Boundaries are teaching children what is acceptable and what is not.  It takes trial and error, but the important things is not to give up on your children.  God never gives up on you or them.  Provide structure and teach them how to uphold it as they get older.  The best gift you will give your children is self-discipline.  

    Don't focus on the past.  Instead give your child room to figure out what they did wrong and a chance to change.  Look forward on how lessons can best impact your children and guide them not to make the same mistakes over and over.  Discipline comes from loving your children, not anger.  Make room for your children to make mistakes without fear, so they can learn to think for themselves, but have enough structure that they understand what they did was wrong and why.  You will learn wisdom and patience through the process.

    Children need boundaries to self-protect, learn responsibility, have self-control, freedom to choose, learn the value of waiting for something better in the future, and respecting limits of other people.  Each stage in life the boundaries will mature and their values will too.  This will be challenging for you as the parent, but the reward will be having children you can respect and be proud to be your children.  

Proverbs 22:6, Matthew 28:16-20, John 17:20-21, Acts 1:7-8, Romans 11:11-12, 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, Galatians 6:7-10, Ephesians 2:19-22, 1 Timothy 3:14-16, & 1 John 4:7-8