Responding to Grief

 

    When responding to grief, the response is different for each person.  There is no timetable on how long a person will grieve, but they do have to find a way out of it eventually.  A friend to a person grieving needs to be patient.  Allow the griever to push you away, be needy, be despondent, or anything else that they need to be.  

    As the friend you need to be there, but not to the point where you will be dragged down.  You have to place healthy and loving boundaries because the griever probably will not be able to do so.

    Job's friends found Job's response to his grief to be shocking.  This was a religious age, not so much faith driven.  Job's speech probably sounded a little like blasphemy to his friends.  Eliphaz was the first to verbally respond.  

    Eliphaz was trying to be uplifting to Job by pointing out what a strong leader he was.  Where he dropped the ball was when he accused Job of some hidden or unknown sin.  It was believed that loss like this was directly connected to sin.  Since none of them knew of anything, it had to be hidden or some sin that Job was not aware was a sin.  The fact is, even if that were true it may not be the best time to say it out loud.

    Maybe Eliphaz did not mean it to be judgmental.  Maybe he was just looking for solutions, but when a friend is in pain they don't need to hear accusations.  Eliphaz went further to remind Job that no man can be more righteous than God.  Eliphaz felt like life is meaningless and God has every right to punish sin how He sees fit.  What wisdom did they have?

    That is all true, but when a person is suffering, that is not what they need to hear.  If we don't have anything to say that will bring comfort, then we should keep our mouths shut. A person in pain does not need to hear superficial saying of weak comfort or a sermon.  They need a person to be present and empathetic.

Job 4