When we suffer in life we can make it better or we can make it worse by our mental status and attitude. When we focus on what is causing our suffering, then it interferes with our normal life. We can't move forward. We allow it to steal the good moments that we have in life. Suffering is hard, but it is not everything. We have to remember that when we are suffering.
At the same time, to avoid or ignore suffering is not going to help you either. You have to keep your wits. You have to keep thinking, praying, and listening. You can get through it. Do not accept that this is how it will be forever. Instead focus in what God is showing you, how He is helping you, and think about what you can do to make the changes you need to make to lessen the suffering.
Suffering does lead to negative reactions. These reactions could be yours or those around you. Not many people act their best in the midst of pain, especially chronic or intense pain. When you are suffering there is no safe place. Even that safe place you build in your mind gets invaded. This is when you have to pray specifically and focus on God instead of the situation. It is the only way your mind does not break.
We will never understand suffering fully. We understand the concept. We understand the cause. We understand the outcome sometimes. However, truly understanding the source is hard. No one alive ever experienced a world without suffering. We can't fully envision it no matter how hard we try.
To get out of your head and the mentality of suffering, you need to talk about it. If it is a situation where you are in it and can't talk to anyone, then you still can talk to God. Let out all the pain, fear, terror, anger, rage, and all the other overwhelming feelings that haunt your mind. This is the beginning of the healing process.
When you talk about what happened or is happening to you, you let go of some of the burden that comes with suffering. It helps shape your thoughts enough to know how to pray sometimes. It helps you make sense of some of the situation.
If you are talking to true friends, then it will strengthen your friendships. You will discover you are not alone when you feel so alone. That is another thing about suffering. It can make you feel completely alone in the world. It can make you feel like no one understands. It can be very isolating if you allow it.
The truth is that suffering reveals your heart. It reveals what you care about: yourself, money, things, family, friends, God. It reveals who is your real friends because they do not abandon you. They do not turn their back on you. Suffering reveals character. When you are on the path to recovery you will make new connections with people. You will see mutual vulnerability.
If you are the friend of someone suffering, then you need to be a careful listening. What they say may not make a lot of sense to you, but it needs to be said and heard. You need to be careful not to come across as judgmental or they will shut down. If they do, then they may never try to talk about it again. You need to try to be available on their time table. Recovery is not a straight line. There are a lot of ups and downs involved.
When you are listening to a person that is suffering or is on the path to recovery, you need to make eye contact. It gives them a sense of trust, a sense of safety. You need to repeat some things to make sure that you are understanding what they are actually saying. It gives them the opportunity to reword things to make it clear.
It is good to engage physically: hug, pat, or something like that. It gives them validation that they are safe. Just make sure you are aware of their triggers and just how raw the suffering may still be before you engage.
When you are having these conversations, try to make it somewhere where there are no or very little distractions. There are no quick solutions. You can only do so much. They have to work through this on their own, but you can be there. You can pray. You can give them some comfort. You can help them find Jesus if they are not Christians.
Matthew 10: 21-23, Romans 8:18-25, 2 Corinthians 1: 3-7, & 1 Peter 2:18-21
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