Resisting Boundaries

 

    There will always be people that will not listen or respect boundaries.  Some people may not believe that your boundaries apply to them.  Some people may not understand what your boundaries are.  No matter the reason, you will have to deal with people that resist your boundaries.

    Boundaries bring value to your life.  They give you freedom, but they do require work, maintenance, self-discipline, and desire for peace.  Peace is the motivation behind boundaries.  Boundaries are a form of obedience to God, but it also has to be personal.  You have to see that they are good for you. God has defined who you are and set boundaries in your life to bless you.  You may resist those boundaries which will create an internal battle.

    You will have people resistant to your boundaries, but sometimes you are resistant to setting and maintaining them too.  They create a better life, but you have to make personal changes.  Change can be hard.  In the beginning you will deal with disputes, small battles, losses, and discomfort.  Your salvation gives you security with God, but also change in your personal life.  It sanctifies you, but then you have to change to stay sanctified.  You have to embrace change to have healing and allow the world to see Him in you.

     Outside resistance comes from the relationships that you are trying to establish boundaries with.  Do not allow insecurities, anger, or fear to keep you from setting boundaries in your life that will bring healing.  When people push back you stand firm.  it is common for the person(s) to get angry.  Let them, but do not back down.  It reveals weaknesses in their character.  Your boundaries will force them to learn self-control or to loose you.    

    Boundaries protect you from certain evils of the world.  In return some people will resist your boundaries by using guilt.  Guilt is a very controlling weapon.  People use it to try to force your hand into you backing down so they don't have to.  It reveals their selfish nature and keeps them from having to take responsibility for their own lives.  You can be empathetic, but do not bend on your boundaries.

    Some people will treat boundaries like a game of chess. They use countermoves to get what they want.  Be prepared for these power moves.  Turn to God and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you.  Some people may physically resist your boundaries.  Flee from anyone who would use physical abuse to solve their problems.  If you can't flee on your own, then seek people who will help.  

    Sometimes your boundaries will hurt other people you love.  It is hard to uphold boundaries here, but remember why you placed your boundaries in the first place.  On the other hand there are the blamers who turns everything around and places everything on you.  These people may cry, pout, or get angry.  You need to confront them to make them take responsibility for their own actions.  

    Sometimes you need to set boundaries on people with real needs.  If you don't take care of yourself, then you can't help other people.  It may break your heart, but you are good to no one if you burn yourself out by giving too much of yourself to people.  Have empathy, but teach people how to help themselves.  Give other people the chance to step up and help them too.

    The point of boundaries is to allow your heart to forgive those who have hurt you and hopefully find reconciliation.  You can find healing in forgiving anyone.  However it takes two to reconcile.  Jesus is your model and the Holy Spirit will guide you through this journey.  You and the other persona each have to take personal responsibility for your parts, be willing to change, and become trustworthy.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21, Psalm 16:5-6, Proverbs 25:28, 27:4-6, Jonah 4:9-11, Matthew 10:34-36, 22:37-40, Romans 8:26-30, Ephesians 4:7-8, Philippians 2:12-13, Hebrews 12:1-4