God is pursuing you. He wants a relationship with you. He knows all your flaws and he still wants you. You will never reach perfection in life. You will never be good enough. That is why you have to accept His invitation to be a part of His family just as you are. You will change over time, but it starts today if you are willing to follow Jesus in faith.
Obedience is not complicated. You can make it harder than it needs to be, but it is simple. If you choose obedience out of response to God's love and grace given to you, then that is good. Do not overthink it. Do not put yourself through hoops that you were never asked to do. Simply be still and God will make His direction for you clear in time.
When you start your Bible study pray over what you will read. Maybe journal what you are getting out of the study. If God is giving you direction, then you are likely to find it there. The point is to be open and willing to respond. End your time with God in prayer of thanksgiving and try to apply what you learned into your life today.
Obedience is not a list of rules or a check off list of specific things that have to be done every day. It is not something that takes away the fun in life. It is an act of worship and can be exciting. You can find enjoyment in obedience. It is understanding all that God has done for you and responding in love and devotion. What could be wrong with that?
Do not compare your life to anyone else. Your personality, education, life situations, history, and more are yours and no one else's. Your life will never look like anyone else's life nor should it. You have your own path to live. You are not on anyone's time table, but yourself and God. You can do this.
Zechariah 6:15, Matthew 11:28-30, Romans 3:23-26, 4:4-17, 5:12-19, 6:20-23, 11:5-6, Ephesians 2:8-10, & Titus 3:3-7
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