When you find Jesus and begin your relationship, you find salvation. When you become a genuine Christian, then you become a new creation. All the sin you enjoyed before will bring you grief. You have a new beginning. You will still sin because you live in this world, but you see it in a new way. You hate the sin you commit and try to do better.
When you become a Christian, all the sins you committed until that moment are erase, gone, wiped from your history. That should make you feel better and give you the ability to forgive yourself for your past. After that moment of salvation, it is cleaning house regularly. When you discover sin, you repent and clean it out. Do not let sin to consume you where all you can see is your failures.
Failure is when you condemn yourself and the people around you. You don't allow forgiveness to take your burdens away. Failure is not finding restoration. God really does want to move forward. If you are not growing or moving forward with God, then it is because of you.
Simon (Peter) was a great apostle (disciple) of Jesus. He did a lot of things right, but he had a lot of failure too. When Jesus resurrected, he had to give Peter a little extra nudge so that he could forgive himself for forsaking Jesus. He loved Jesus, but could not forgive himself for his failure. Jesus had to remind him about what love really is and how it heals through forgiveness. Jesus had to have him speak forgiveness three times because he failed Jesus three times.
The first Lords supper, it was Jesus' last human Passover, Peter did not realize it would be the last time the group would be together in joy, celebration, and as companions. None of them did, but Peter had a little more responsibility than most of the others. His role was to become the rock of the church. He would teach Jesus' ways and build a strong foundation, but first he had to face his worst fears: truth about who he was.
Peter was a determined, impetuous man. I imagine him being very joyful and happy most of the time like he imagined everything would just work out while Jesus was there. He faltered when he saw Jesus suffer. He was confused, sad, scared, and angry. As predicted by Jesus, Peter failed him three times from the time they left the garden to the sunrise at Jesus' first trial.
All the apostles failed Jesus in the garden. First they could not stay awake to pray. Peter hurt a man. Judas betrayed Jesus, but really all of their trusting love. Then they all fled when Jesu was arrested because they were afraid for their own lives. Peter did follow, but did not act in sound character. They all failed, but it had to happen for Jesus to fulfill his role as God in human form.
We all fail. We all learn a lot from our failures. It is a part of life. It is what you do with our failures that matter. Do you confess them to Jesus and seek forgiveness? Do you become hard and bitter? Do you continue to destroy your own life by betraying those that love you? Having good intentions will not keep you from failing occasionally. The key is not to give up on your hope in your relationship with Jesus.
Jesus is the only solution that will give you hope in your failure. He will still give you a plan for your future. He tells you how to get back on track with him. He told the disciples that they would fail him, but that he would meet them again and where. He does the same for you.
Matthew 26:31-35, Luke 22:54-65, John 21:15-25, Hebrew 12:1-4, & 1 Peter 1:3-5
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