Boundaries with Friends

 

    Friendship is an intimate relationship where you find similarities, fondness, and mutual respect.  It is two people or a group that want to be around each other.  They choose each other to be a part of their lives, but like all relationships friendships need boundaries.

    Boundaries can resolve a number of issues in a friendship.  It starts with being honest with each other no matter how scary that may be.  The important thing is to focus on what brought you together and what you have in common instead of allowing little differences to tear you apart.  Not all friendships are forever, but they should not be abandoned over small issues either.  Set a boundary to work things out without complaining or gossiping about each other.

    There needs to be boundaries around conflict.  You are not always going to agree on every topic, but there is no reason to get aggressive about a disagreement.  Real friends will not try to intimidate each other into submission.  At the same time you should not feel like you have to beg a friend to do things with you or see things your way either.  This behavior only wounds friendships.

    True friends do not manipulate each other.  Using people or taking them for granted will damage or destroy friendships.  Some people will put up with it, but the friendship will never be super close.  Manipulations leads to resentment in the relationship.  When you catch a friend being aggressive or manipulative, then you need to set clear boundaries.  If it is a true friendship then friend will allow you to hold them accountable and genuinely repent.  The friendship can change.

    It is harder to maintain a close friendship with a person who is nonresponsive.  It feels like you are putting in all the work while the other is just along for the ride.  It can make you feel resentful and frustrated while your friend is clueless.  When you set boundaries you need to let the friend know that you need them to contribute toward the friendship.  If the unresponsive person does not begin to call, text, or initiate getting together, then you have your response and can move on.  If they do, then you saved a friendship.  

    Friendship is different from family because you choose to invest into each other, but you are not bound to each other.  That means that in some ways it takes more work to not break the relationship.  Real friendships are based on a mutual attachment not obligation.  Biblical friendships are built on the personal relationships with God.  It is love that holds you together not performance, abilities, guilt, or obligation.  

    Friendships can't be controlled.  The bonds of love are not easily broken.  Boundaries establish a strong foundation that strengthens the mutual affection and respect for each other.  They remove the fear of abandonment or rejection.  It makes it where conflict is a place where you can find a new way to respect each, hold each other accountable, and work through things.  

Proverbs 4:23, 10:17-21, 18:24, 27:17, Matthew 28:16-20, John 2:1-5, Romans 8:1-4, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, Galatians 6:4-5, Ephesians 4:31-32, James 4:1-3, & 1 John 4:11-19