The law of boundaries works the same in marriages as all other relationships, but is applied a little differently. The law of sowing and reaping is an example. Let's say you do something that causes negative consequences. You are not the only one who will suffer. Your spouse will suffer along with you or even sometimes more. What you do directly affects your spouse.
You should never intentionally do anything that would harm your spouse. If you do mess up, then take responsibility. Take as much of the consequences off of your partner as you can. Do not let them suffer and bare the brunt of the consequences.
The law of responsibility in marriage is exhibiting self-control. Setting limits of what you will allow yourself to do to protect your spouse is an act of love. It can be as simple as not going to bed until the dishes are washed or as serious to never cheat. Binding yourself to the vow of marriage means that you will confront your evil, turn it over to God, and protect your spouse. This can be difficult, but it is no longer just about you.
The law of power in marriage is accepting that you can't change anyone. It can release your from being domineering, a nag, or manipulative. You learn to respect your spouse for who they are. Let them make mistakes and deal with the consequences. The only thing you can control is your behavior, response, and attitude. Pray for your spouse about certain things that bother you, but do not try to change them.
The law of evaluation is about how you confront your spouse. You need boundaries on how to deal with conflict or you could hurt each other deeply. Limiting yourself is an act of love. Do not say or do things you will regret in anger. Their pain becomes your pain. Boundaries are about what you need. If you need your marriage to be strong and healthy, then limit yourself from causing damage. Having the last word is not worth causing harm to the one you love most.
The law of exposure in marriage is being transparent with your boundaries. Walls, manipulation, withdrawing, sulking, passive aggressive or aggressive behavior will not do. This is destructive behavior for a marriage. Verbalize your boundaries and then put them in writing if you need to, but make it clear what you need to be the best spouse you can be. Be clear and unapologetic because it benefits them to comply.
In marriage you need to set boundaries on physical touch, how you use words, how you tell the truth, physical space, emotional space, time, other people, and anything else that would disturb your marriage. Time is important because introverts need time alone. You also need to be thorough with consequences. For an example if you do not give an introvert their down time, then you will deal with an impatient, cranky, or worn down spouse.
Boundaries also require listening and considering where your spouse is coming from. You are not a doormat. You are not a slave. You are partners, but each partner is an individual person too. If you are unwilling to submit to the needs of your spouse, then you are struggling with a control problem and need to work on that before you destroy your marriage. Each of you deal with your individual issues, so that your marriage can grow and develop over the years to be more and more of what you want and need.
Marriage requires balance. That means that you need to work together in the boundaries. The relationship needs to be equal. You need to choose to put God first and then each other every day. Change can be scary, but each of you will have to work at the marriage to make it work.
Identify your problems then set boundaries around them to be able to work through them. Find the root of the problem to destroy. Then take inventory of everything that is good about your spouse and what makes the marriage work. Practice what you decide to work on together and reject anything that is not making your marriage stronger. Forgive each other and be proactive with your boundaries, so you can love each other responsibly. Marriage is risky, but it is worth it.
Proverbs 19:19-21, Matthew 18:15-20, 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, Galatians 6:7-10, Ephesians 4:25-27, 5:21-33, Hebrew 12:10-11, & James 2:10-26
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