When there is conflict the goal should to be resolved in a healthy manner. Ideally it would be a win win situation, but that is not always the case. There are many reasons for conflict, but it comes down to boundaries being cross even if you are not aware that something was a boundary until you were upset. The point is to identify the problem and figure out a way to resolve it that will honor God.
Some of the sources of conflict are lack of encouragement. That means that your love language affects how you react to things. Everyone needs to feel heard, respected, and loved. If all they hear is perceived negativity, then hard feelings do develop. That could include constant criticism. We all need to be able to handle some criticism, but if it is constant then it gets old quick. Don't offer criticism without a solution or belittling the person you are talking to.
Planners have a hard time when someone comes in and changes the plan with no or little notice or conversation. That will lead to conflict if it directly affects them and they were not even consulted. It can coincide with not feeling like they were listened to. We can all affirm other people. It is never okay to dismiss or minimize another person.
Here is one that may sound strange. Loneliness can lead to conflict because lonely people can get super sensitive. It can feel like a rejection by other people. It can also make them super needy when they are around people and that can annoy other people.
Education differences can become a point of conflict. Some really educated people may give off the idea that they are more important than other people. Less educated people can be sensitive over their lack of education. The thing is really smart people don't always talk properly. People that may never have finished school could read a lot and have a ton of life experience. Education depends on the situation. It is the same as social class differences. Circumstances do not define people. Their character and heart do.
The more important issue is communication. We all need to learn communication skills. Just because you talk a lot does not mean that you communicate well. Communication really comes in handy when it comes to culture shock. You do not have to move to another country to experience culture shock.
Another source of conflict is needing things that are not being provided. That could be anything. It comes down to not meeting expectations. Messing with loyalty can be a real issue. It leads to stress compounding other stressors.
It can go in hand with personality differences. I think that is the most common one that we hear about. It normally comes down to communication in different formats and making the person you are trying to communicate with feel misunderstood. This is not where you find comfort. You have to really work on communication here because it is not being heard the way you are trying to get it across.
One you may be aware of is political insecurity. Politics always seems to be a powder keg. Don't talk politics with people that don't have a cool head and can listen to other perspectives without getting mad. You don't have to agree, but you can try to understand.
One you may never hear about is spiritual attack. When you are spiritually drained, it will make you act all sorts of ways. Sometimes you act completely out of character. That can only be worked out with God.
Desire for more can lead to conflict. When nothing is enough you give off the message to your loved ones that they don't matter. That what they do is not worth anything. It leads you to step on other people to get what you want. One day you will need something and then be shocked that no one is there for you. It is an isolating trait. It is very similar to prejudices.
Communication is a life long journey. Never think that you are done learning how to communicate because with every new relationship you have to practice these skills. Before getting in a verbal altercation think about what was actually said and what was not. Are you fully informed on what is going on?
Ask yourself if there are cultural issues that you may need to learn about. Some cultures are more reserved than others. Just because a person is outspoken does not mean that they want to offend or hurt your feelings. Work together to create a new culture or identity for that relationship or community. When the issue is co-ed, then consider the differences between the sexes and how the chemistry in the brain is different. It is hard, but try to figure out where they are coming from before you allow your temper to flare.
Instead of dreading or avoiding conflict, look at it as an opportunity. Working through conflict can lead to closer relationships. It can lead to better understanding people. You can have better self-understanding because you learn aspects about your own personality. You may even learn empathy. No matter what it should be character building. In some cases conflict can lead to a better education. It can be a motivator to learn more on subjects.
No matter what direction conflict leads you, it should be lived out in a way that Jesus lived out conflict. Conflict can reveal sin that needs to change. It can lead to spiritual growth and more intimacy with God. Learn how to seek to love and forgive like Jesus did and it will open up a whole new world view to you.
Proverbs 28:3-10, Matthew 5:38- 42, Luke 6:37-38, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, & Ephesians 4:31-32
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